‘SCHOOLIES RULES’

EXT. THE BALCONY

MATT, JOE, TUGGER, JESSE, and DAN are all sitting on a balcony overlooking the Lorne beach. They are holding VB cans up in a toast.
MATT
Cheers. To our first day of schoolies boys.

EXT. THE BEACH
Joe, Dan, Tugger and Jesse are all topless and in boardies, standing in a circle, handballing a Sherrin football to each other. Matt jogs down the dunes to join in.
TUGGER
We are getting so smashed tonight.
Tugger handballs the ball, Jesse catches it on his chest.
JESSE
Tugger mate, if I can still stand, I’ll be disappointed.
Jesse handballs the ball, it sails past Matt’s shoulder.
MATT
Anyone seen Shell yet?
Matt runs to retrieve the ball. When he is out of earshot, Jesse turns to Tugger.
JESSE
We haven’t even been here for three hours, and he’s already going on about that little bitch. Not good.
TUGGER
True. But she is fucking hot.
The boys all make noises of agreement and appreciation.

DAN
Yeah, how did Matty ever score her anyway?
JOE
Give him a break boys. You know how full-on they were, he’s a bit shattered, so stop being pricks about it.
They all look down. Matt comes running back.
MATT
What’d I miss?
EXT. LORNE SHOPPING STRIP
The boys are walking down the street being boys, tripping each other, swearing loudly. They stop in front of AMBER, DENISE and SHELL. Jesse wolf-whistles.
JESSE
(to Amber)
Baby, you are coming home with me tonight.

AMBER
Thanks for the offer Jesse, but it’s the first night of schoolies, bets on you’ll be the first to pass out. You’ll be no good to me.
TUGGER
Oh, pick me!
They laugh. Matt exchanges eye contact with Shell.
MATT
Hey.
SHELL
Hey.
(looking at Joe and smiling)
Hey Joe.
Matt looks at Joe. Joe shrugs slightly.
JOE
G’day.
TUGGER
(putting his arms around Amber and Denise)
We’re having lunch on the roof of the pub. Wanna come?
JESSE
(putting his arm around the Shell)
Don’t say no girls, Tugger’s been rejected his whole life, he couldn’t take it if you said no.
The girls exchange glances.
EXT. THE ROOF OF THE LORNE PUB
Tugger, Jesse, Joe, Matt, Dan, Denise, Shell and Amber are strewn over the tables, eating lunch and drinking.
JESSE
(hoisting his glass of beer in a toast)
Nothing like a quiet pot and parma.
JOE
(taking off his shirt)
Fuck, it’s hot.
All the girl’s eyes are on Joe.
JESSE
(in a mock girl’s voice)
Oh, Joe, you’re such a stud, let me touch your rippling man boobs.
JOE
And now it’s Denise’s turn to take her shirt off.
DENISE
Nah mate.
SHELL
(looking at Joe)
I will.
She removes her singlet top, revealing a bikini. Denise and Amber exchange looks.
JOE
(to Matt)
Let’s fuck off for a swim.
MATT
(whispering to Joe)
I’m not running away.
TUGGER
(holding up an empty beer bottle)
So…spin the bottle?
SHELL
(her eyes still on Joe)
I’m in.
JESSE
(smiling)
Me too.
DAN
No surprises there.
SHELL
(looking at Matt)
We’re all adults here, right?
TUGGER
Rules are: the kiss has to be longer than four seconds, on the mouth, tongues and clothes optional.
Tugger spins, lands on Amber, they kiss. Dan looks annoyed while everyone else counts loudly to four. Jesse spins and kisses Denise. Everyone counts again. Shell is sitting next to Joe. She deliberately lightly spins the bottle so it lands on Joe. She leans over and kisses him. Everyone starts to count but Matt gets up and walks off down the stairs, the boys stop counting and shout after him. Shell rolls her eyes at her friends and goes after him.
SHELL
(calling after Matt)
Matt. Matthew wait up.
Matt turns around angrily.
MATT
You did that on purpose.
SHELL
Me and Joe were just having some fun.
(she smiles at him)
It’s a game.
MATT
That’s all it ever is with you.
SHELL
Oh please, don’t start. This is part of the reason I dumped you.
MATT
That’s funny, I thought you said we both knew it was over. I thought you said it was supposed to be ‘mutual’.
SHELL
Obviously you don’t know that it’s over. What’s your problem anyway? You’re the one who could never say ‘I love you’ without a ‘babe’ on the end, just in case it sounded too real. Just in case your mates overheard.
MATT
That wasn’t –
SHELL
We’re done Matt, we have been for two months. Get over it, move on.
Shell walks back up to the roof, Matt follows her and sits down next to Joe. A waiter walks past.
MATT
Two tequila shots.
(he turns to Joe)
I’m getting trashed.
EXT. THE BEACH
Dream sequence. Matt is standing on the beach with Shell, she is wearing a bikini.
DREAM SHELL
Look at you, still dreaming about me, told you you’re not over it.
DREAM MATT
I am over it.
DREAM SHELL
(laughing)
Yeah right.
Her eyes drift downwards to his boardies.
DREAM MATT
Ok, so I have a boner even in my dream, but cut me some slack, you’re in a bikini.
INT. THE LOUNGE ROOM
Matt is woken by the loud laughter of his friends. He is on the couch, his face covered in shaving cream and honey. Jesse, Tugger and Dan are all standing around laughing
JESSE
Look how pretty you are.
MATT
Everything hurts.
DAN
Sounds about right.
MATT
Fuck, what time is it?
TUGGER
I can’t believe you passed out at two in the arvo, gotta be a new schoolies record.
MATT
I’m not even pissed, just tired.
He makes a failed attempt at getting up and his mates laugh and make comments. Finally, he succeeds in hoisting himself up off the couch and walks out of the room.
INT. THE SHOWER
Matt is showering, singing ‘more beer’, when he suddenly jumps.
MATT
(shouting)
Fuck, that’s cold! Guys, who the fuck’s got the fucking water on? Guys!

INT. THE KITCHEN
Matt enters the kitchen in a towel. ‘Souvenired’ items are strewn around the kitchen: a mailbox, a ‘soft edges’ street sign, several witch’s hats. Amber is standing at the sink, in a bikini and skirt, filling a glass with water. She turns around.
MATT
So you’re the hot water bandit?
AMBER
And you’re the Schoolies flasher? Your towel’s slipping.
Matt adjusts his towel.
MATT
I’m too sexy for my towel.
AMBER
Whatever you reckon.
He tries to put his arm around her but she playfully shoves him off.
MATT
What are you doing back here, apart from trying to get on Dan?
AMBER
(smiling)
Apart from that we’re going surfing once Jesse and Tugger get their act together.
She hoists herself up to sit on the bench.
AMBER
So…Shell said she talked to you.
MATT
She did.
AMBER
She said it was shit.
MATT
It was.
AMBER
Are you still mad?
MATT
Fuck no.
AMBER
Do you still love her?
MATT
No comment.
AMBER
Matt, you should know something –
Amber’s eyes avert to Dan, who walks in topless. He opens the fridge, drinks orange juice from the carton, then walks over and pats Matt hard on the back. Matt readjusts his towel again.
DAN
You talked in your sleep tosser. Three guesses which little blonde you were dreaming about.
MATT
(sticking his middle finger up)
Actually, it was ya mum.
Dan stands in between Amber’s legs and pulls her to him, his hands on her ass. Matt looks disgusted, wrapping his towel tighter as he walks back in the direction of the bathroom.
EXT. THE BALCONY
Matt walks out to the balcony, carrying two VBs out to where Joe is sitting on a deckchair. Joe accepts the drink Matt offers him.
JOE
(cheerfully)
Morning sunshine! You look like shit.
MATT
Mate, feels like I’ve been fucked by the devil.
JOE
A common Shell Symptom.
(his phone rings, he looks at it, slightly confused)
Speak of the devil…
(he answers the phone)
Hello? Yeah, nah, yeah, nah maybe, yep later.
Joe shrugs and takes a sip of his VB.
MATT
What did she say? Why’s she calling you?
JOE
I dunno, she was just wondering if we’re going out tonight.
MATT
Us? All of us? Or just you?
JOE
Dunno. Do you still want her back?
MATT
Yeah.
JOE
Why?
MATT
I love her, don’t I?
Joe shrugs again. The boys continue to drink in silence.
EXT. THE BEACH
The group are sitting on the beach in wetsuits, talking and laughing. Shell zips up her wetsuit and sits down next to JOE.
SHELL
Seriously, I look so fat in this suit.
JOE
You don’t.
SHELL
You’re just saying that.
JOE
Nah, I reckon you look good in it.
SHELL
I look even better out of it.
The group wolf-whistle and make noise, Matt looks over at Joe and Shell. They are looking at each other. Matt grabs his board.
MATT
Did we come here to surf or what? Let’s go bitches.
The group grab their boards and run into the surf. Joe and Matt paddle out together, Matt looks over at Joe, their faces suggest competition. They both stand up and catch the same wave. Matt drops in on Joe, causing him to fall off his board and disappear under. The others all see it, Shell smiles. They all meet back on the shore. Joe pushes Matt’s shoulders.
JOE
What the fuck was that?
MATT
An accident.
JOE
Everyone saw you, you cunt.
MATT
(looking around, everyone is staring at them)
Sorry mate, I didn’t –
JOE
Fuck you.
Joe walks off.
INT. THE LOUNGE ROOM
Tugger, Jesse, and Dan are sitting around in the lounge room.
TUGGER
(singing)
Oh Britney the Beer Bong, I love you, you are my favourite girl, if I ever find another man has put his lips on you, I will hunt him and kill him cos I looooove you!
JESSE
(throwing a cushion at him)
Dickhead.
DAN
Is Joe back?
JESSE
Haven’t seen him yet.
DAN
And where’s Matty?
JESSE
Haven’t seen him either.
DAN
Intense.
JESSE
Yup.
Matt walks in, slamming the back door. All the guys look at him.
MATT
What?
He leaves the room. All the guys look at each other. The door slams again and Joe walks in. The guys look at him.
JOE
What?
He leaves the room.
TUGGER
(singing)
Ooooh Britney the Beer Bong, I love you!
EXT. THE OUTSIDE BARBEQUE
The boys are barbequing outside. Dan and Amber are sitting together on a single chair. Jesse and Tugger are playing cards and drinking shots on the table with Denise and Shell. Joe is cooking the meat. Shell looks over at Joe and nudges Denise. Denise shakes her head slightly, but Shell is already walking over to Joe. Amber looks over at Denise and they roll their eyes. Shell stands next to Joe, twirling her hair, they have an inaudible conversation.
TUGGER
What’s the G-O with those two? They weren’t close at school or anything.
JESSE
Yeah, cos she was always with Matty boy. We thought they’d get hitched.
TUGGER
And have many tiny babies
Shell laughs audibly and touches Joe on the shoulder.
DENISE
(looking worried)
Things change I guess.
Matt walks out through the glass door.
TUGGER
Uh-oh.
Matt looks over at Joe and Shell, then sits down next to Denise. Joe brings over a plate of meat and puts it down in the middle. The others dig in, Matt doesn’t move. Him and Joe stare at each other.
JOE
Eat up.
MATT
(pointedly)
You first. I wouldn’t want to take something that’s yours.
JOE
I’m not enough of an asshole to think I own the meat.
MATT
Like you’re one to talk about being an asshole.
JOE
Yeah? Why don’t you say what you really think?
Matt stands up so that he and Joe are chest to chest.
MATT
What I really think? I think you were my best mate. I think you’re hooking into my ex. I think you’re a shit bloke. Clear enough?
Shell squeezes herself in between them, facing JOE.
SHELL
Don’t do this. He’s not worth it
MATT
Get out of the way Shell.
JOE
No, she’s right Matt, you’re really not worth this. You’re so fucking blind with jealousy you don’t give a shit about anyone else. No wonder she dumped you.
Matt pulls his fist back to hit Joe, but Shell is still standing in the way.
MATT
Motherfucker.
(to SHELL)
Move.
Shell shakes her head. Matt puts his fist down and walks back inside.
INT. THE BATHROOM
Matt is waxing his hair in the bathroom when JESSE stumbles to the door. Matt is wearing a pink t-shirt.
JESSE
(slurring)
You look like a tool in that shirt.
MATT
Mate, don’t you know I’m metro?
JESSE
You’re a poof.
MATT
(looking in the mirror, running a hand through his hair)
Just fuck up and tell me I look real pretty.
JESSE
(putting his hands on MATT’s shoulders)
You look real pretty. But what are you doing?
MATT
Waxing my hair.
JESSE
No, I mean this stuff with Joe. You guys are tight, what are you doing?
MATT
You’ve seen him with her, you know how it is.
JESSE
She’s hot. But she’s trouble mate, has been from the start. It was always going to go to shit.
MATT
Get out of here, you’re drunk and I’m not in the mood.
Jesse puts his hands up and backs out of the bathroom.
JESSE
Fine. But you know I’m right, the bitch is bad news.
INT. THE LOUNGE ROOM
Matt goes into the lounge room. Tugger is doing a beer bong with Jesse and Dan cheering.
MATT
(shouting over the noise)
Have you guys seen Joe?
DAN
(shouting back)
Try his room.
Matt walks down the hallway to JOE’s room and knocks on the door.
MATT
Joe, this is our schoolies man, we need to sort it out, hey mate, open up.
There is muffled noises and talking. Shell opens the door in a bikini and jeans, her fly undone. Joe is behind her on his bed, his shirt off and fly undone. Shell smiles sweetly.
SHELL
Ah, Matty, this is kind of a bad time.
Matt punches the door frame beside Shell and she jumps back.
MATT
You fucking little slut.
SHELL
Now, now, Matty, we are broken up after all. Let’s be adults about this.
JOE
Hey man, it’s not…we haven’t…I thought…
MATT
Whatever. Looks like I was right about you.
Matt walks into the lounge room, takes the beer bong from Tugger and motions for DAN to fill it up. Dan shrugs and pours beer down the tube.
TUGGER
Be gentle with her!
EXT. THE LORNE FORESHORE
It’s nightime, the beach is crowded with Schoolies displaying general drunken behaviour. Matt is sitting on a swing, vomiting. Jesse is swinging beside him singing ‘more beer’. Matt wipes his mouth and looks up at the fenced off trampolines, where to Tugger is bouncing along behind the wire. Tugger falls to the concrete, visibly hitting his head. He stumbles back over.
JESSE
(to TUGGER)
Right mate?
TUGGER
(shrugs and drinks)
Didn’t feel it.
Jesse throws him a drink.
JESSE
Skulling competition, then first to pick up buys a round at the pub?
TUGGER
Done. Oh you are getting caned.
They both skull. Jesse wins easily.
JESSE
(ruffling TUGGER’S hair)
Aw, better luck next time, you’ve gotta open your throat more, it’s an art!
TUGGER
Yeah, yeah. Hey, there’s that dirty slapper from back home. Kelly the Skank.
JESSE
Hey yeah it is. Matty, you should have a crack. She’d be easy, serious and you need to get laid buddy.
MATT
Nah, I’m –
TUGGER
(pushing him in KELLY’S direction)
Don’t be a softcock, have a fucking crack.
(yelling after him)
Remember protection, cover up little Matty. Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool! If it’s not on, it’s not on!
Matt stumbles over to where Kelly is standing, he walks up behind her and puts his hands on her waist.
MATT
(whispering, slurred)
Wanna go somewhere?
Kelly turns around, looks him up and down, and looks disgusted.
KELLY
Ugh, you are the worst kind of guy. The one who thinks he’s so fucking hot until he’s desperate. Don’t think I’ll be your rock bottom chick. You stand with your mates and call me a slut and then think you’re getting in my pants? Fuck you. Just because I get some and I’m a girl, I’m a slut? Well what the fuck are you? You’re not so hot.
She pushes his shoulders and turns away. Matt falls backward, and onto the grass. In the distance his friends laugh. He gets up, brushes himself off and starts to walk away. Jesse and Tugger call out to him but he keeps walking. He walks along the foreshore, there is heavy metal music playing and people slurring and stumbling everywhere. Matt falls over a girl crying loudly on the ground.
MATT
Hey, you alright?
The girl looks up. It’s Amber. He ducks down beside her.
MATT
Amber? It’s me, Matty.
He lifts her chin with a finger, she coughs/gags in his face
MATT
Ugh, you reek of goon.
Amber leans against his chest and cries. MATT sits and strokes her hair.
AMBER
(slurring, between sobs)
I saw Dan kiss another girl. Some random at the pub.
She slumps into his lap. A few guys walk past yelling ‘Get some’ and wolf-whistling.
MATT
(muttering)
Fuck off.
(to AMBER)
Amber, this looks a little sus, c’mon, wakey wakey.
She remains unconscious. Matt pulls his phone out of his pocket, struggling to dial while juggling an unconscious Amber on his lap.
MATT
Shell? It’s Amber, she’s in a bad way. Passed out. No, I’ve been fucking drinking, you need to get down to the foreshore. Why? Because she’s your friend. How could you fucking leave her alone this drunk anyway? I don’t have Denise’s number. No you dumb bitch, I don’t know where Joe is. Fuck, are you coming? Fine, forget it then.
He hangs up the phone angrily, sitting with Amber in his lap. As he is looking around helplessly, Denise and Joe walk up to them.
DENISE
(falling over onto the sand)
Ambi, my little Ambi, what happened?
MATT
(looking up at JOE)
We need to get her the fuck out of here.
DENISE
Bring her to our place, it’s close.
Joe bends down and picks up Amber from Matt’s lap.
JOE
Denise, lead the way.

INT. THE GIRL’S LOUNGE ROOM
Joe bursts into the room, carrying Amber and puffing. Matt clumsily clears cans and cards from the couch and JOE gently puts Amber down. The boys stand there awkwardly, while Denise leans over Amber.
DENISE
(to MATT)
Why didn’t you call Shell?
MATT
I did. She wouldn’t come.
(looking pointedly at JOE)
She only wanted to know where Joe was.
JOE
(angrily)
This isn’t the time or the place.
MATT
And our house on schoolies is the right time and place to fucking root my ex?
JOE
We didn’t even fuck, starting to wish we had’ve.
MATT
You cunt.
They stand chest to chest.
DENISE
Stop it.
The boys ignore her.
JOE
C’mon, fucking have a go
Matt goes to hit him but Joe blocks the punch and counters, hitting Matt in the eye. Matt stumbles backward holding his eye. He recovers and steps forward to hit Joe. Denise stands up abruptle.
DENISE
Stop! This has gone way too far. Look at you two. She did this you know.
MATT
(jerking his head toward JOE)
He did this.
DENISE
No. She did. On purpose. She played you.
JOE and MATT
What?
DENISE
About four months ago we were having an argument with Shell about how she couldn’t live without you Matty, bout how you’d be together forever. She said she could do whatever she wanted, including picking up your best mate. We were all joking around about it, but then she got all serious saying it’d be so easy, that she’d do it on Schoolies. None of us really believed her, but she was so sure, only gave herself a day to do it.
Matt touches his eye and checks his hand for blood.
MATT
This is all a game?
DENISE
(nodding)
It’s phase two. We forgot about the stupid bet until a few months later when she broke up with you, she called it phase one.
JOE
(sitting down)
She played us.
MATT
She broke up with me two months ago so she could pick up Joe today? How fucked up is that? Why would she do that to us?
DENISE
Don’t ask me. She can be pretty messed up. You already knew that.
Denise kneels back down next to Amber. Joe turns to Matt. They stare at each other. The door slams and Shell walks in, humming and smiling. She stops when she sees Matt, Joe and Denise all staring menacingly at her.
MATT
Speak of the devil.
SHELL
(smiling)
Both of you! What a pleasant surprise. What’s going on guys?
MATT
It’s just a game, right?
SHELL
What?
JOE
We know, we know about your little plan to fuck us over.
SHELL
(looking worried, trying to laugh)
Ha, what are you talking about?
(she looks at Denise fiercely)
Denise, have you been telling lies?
DENISE
Don’t even try that Shell. Look at Amber, you were supposed to be looking after her. How fucking selfish can you be?
SHELL
I didn’t know-
MATT
Why? What do you get out of this?
SHELL
(looking angry)
Oh so now you’re going to come off all high and mighty? Mr. I have no time for my girlfriend, only for my mates. Maybe now you understand how it feels to come off second best to Joe. He’s not such a hero anymore, is he? Not such a fucking good bloke?
MATT
I always had time for you, you were everything to me.
SHELL
(yelling)
I was nothing to you, I was just something to do in your spare time. I loved you. But you, you never really gave a shit. And everyone could see how much I needed you, but no one thought you needed me back. I had to prove how much you need me.
JOE
So you used me?
SHELL
(ignoring JOE)
And see, I was right, you do need me, so much you turned against your best mate.
MATT
You think you did all this because you love me?
SHELL
(her voice sweet)
Love goes through tests all the time, now I know you feel the same, everything can be ok.
MATT
(laughing humourlessly)
Are you serious? After everything you’ve done? You’re fucking crazy, You need to stay away from me.
SHELL
What?
MATT
I’m serious, I never want to fucking see you again, not after this.
Shell starts crying. Denise looks disgusted. Joe motions to Matt and they leave together.
INT. THE BOY’S KITCHEN
Matt and Joe are standing together in the kitchen. They are silent, thinking. They finally look at each other.
MATT
I can’t believe she could act so fucked up.
JOE
We’ve all been acting really fucked up.
MATT
You kissed her. I told you I loved her and you kissed her.
JOE
If the bitch got one thing right, she was right about that, you never loved her man. When you were together you bloody whinged about her all the time. How she was controlling. How she was manipulative. I’m not trying to cover my ass, I’m sorry, mate, I am. But you were in fucking fantasy land thinking you wanted to be with her again.
MATT
How could you have not said this to me before? It would have saved us that psycho scene in there.
JOE
You were too wrapped up in your own shit. You had Shell-vision. Mate…
(he looks at the ground)
We’ve been best mates since we were five, the last time we got in a punch up was when I stole your ninja turtle.
They smile slightly.
MATT
(sitting down next to Joe and putting his head in his hands)
Mate, this is fucked. What now?
JOE
(shrugging)
More beer?
Joe goes to the fridge and gets two beers. He and Matt open the cans and clink them together.
JOE
Cheers.
MATT
To our first day of Schoolies.

By: Kristy McKenzie