Rhiannon Tuffield

Deakin University

He held her tiny body up high in the air as she laughed and screamed for him to let her down. They were the perfect couple, lying on the grass of my best friend’s backyard, in the view of the entire party. My stomach flipped.

After a few minutes, he let her down. She sat on top of him and he held her wrists as she tried to play-fight him. She stopped struggling and they smiled at each other. He grabbed her neck and pulled her down for a kiss.

I left. I didn’t say goodbye to anyone because I felt that if I opened my mouth to say something, it would be impossible to stop the mass wave of tears from rolling down my face.

The party was in a house a few blocks from the beach and I held my purse and bottle of wine as I ran from it. Once I reached the beach, I took my shoes and socks off and walked along the sand, taking swigs from the bottle as I went. I could see the city from where I was, all lit up in the distance. Then it was 12am, and I was drunk and on my own on the first day of January. Thank you, fireworks, for reminding me that I am alone while millions of people are not.

I spat out a mouthful of wine and jumped into the ocean. The water was rough, and it was cold, but it couldn’t say anything or do anything to hurt me like a person could. I turned onto my back and floated above the water as thoughts floated through me.

I remembered my mother telling me once, ‘A real woman wears her tears like diamonds.’ She would hate to see my diamonds now — diamonds that had turned to filthy, cold, black stones because they were tired of shining.

I tried to think of other things, but all I could picture was him and the girl who had torn us apart. I felt the pain on my face. The same pain I had witnessed on my brother’s face the moment he realised that the girl of his dreams was unreachable to him. He had loved her, and that face will never have a name.

Losing someone? I would rather go swimming in the ocean and drown.

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Rhiannon Tuffield is a twenty-one year old who loves travelling, books and that moment when that perfect song comes on in the car.